Losing my little brother

Note: This post could be potentially triggering if you have suffered a bereavement.

The death of someone you love is truly heartbreaking, numbing, and strikes at your core. When it comes to losing a special someone, it's often hard to find the right words to express grief, and with the courage to get through each and every day, you become a changed person.

My name is Mark, and almost a year ago, I tragically lost my little brother, Michael, who was 45 years old. He had an accident at work. My life changed forever and the days, months, and years ahead were now so different. No words can describe the mountain and challenges faced by my family and I.

20180918_134253_resized-1.jpg

I recently wrote down some thoughts on paper for Mindfizz about losing Mick. It isn’t much, but really sums up both my love for Mick and how writing can help to express deep emotions.

 When I wrote this, I felt and do still feel like my brother’s death hasn’t sunk in. There was loads I could write, but it was hard to do so. However, writing made me feel alive, positive, and happier. I felt a release of emotions and wanted to type and type. I felt that writing my thoughts down was helping me to deal with it. Oddly, writing on paper about my loss didn't feel as painful as talking about it. It was as though for the short time I was writing, a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

My life has completely changed since losing Mick. I can’t believe I will never laugh, joke, talk or kick a ball with him again. I feel numb and feel he was taken from us for no reason, Christmases, birthdays and other occasions will never be the same.

The support of my parents, sons, family members and friends was essential for me, but I have also felt like I’ve navigated my grief on my own as I’ve needed to be strong for the rest of my family and be there for them.

My brother and I were both keen on Japanese gardens and both of us had Bonsai trees. We would try and grow from seed or purchase ones we liked. Our favourites are Acers (Japanese Maples). We both liked reggae music, and would often sit and listen to it in the garden weather permitting. He was very much a family man and loved to spend time with his fiancée and playing with his children.

My advice to anyone experiencing grief right now would be to laugh at the good times, and remember the silly things you did with a loved one or friend. Cry when you need to, shout when you want. Write things down when you think of them, even if just on a notepad. Try and find something that takes you away from everyone and everything connected with the situation to give you time to clear your mind and mend your heart.